Warriors Unite
Ever since I was a teenager I’ve wanted a tattoo. I’m not sure why because I’m quite needle phobic (which is hilarious considering the amount of injections I get every month at this point), but something about the permanency of a tattoo has always drawn me towards them. It forces you to (hopefully) seriously reflect upon what you are going to ink onto your body for the rest of your life. It allows you to display what is truly important and meaningful to you in a way that doesn’t allow you to hide behind facades and platitudes. It strips away false meanings and leaves only the bare truth behind. Over the years I’ve vacillated on what I would get tattooed and where I would get it. It wasn’t until recent years and I suddenly felt like a hostage in my own body that I felt an urgent need to wrest control back and stake my claim. It wasn’t until I was told to give up on my dreams that I wanted to be able to glance down and see that not all hope was lost. It wasn’t until I could no longer control how my days went that I wanted a permanent reminder that I was a warrior and I would always get back up again. It wasn’t until I experienced utter despair and complete loneliness that I wanted to remember that I was never alone. Suddenly I knew what I wanted to have permanently marked on me for the rest of my days, so I sat down and drew.
Once I had a rough sketch of my very non-artistic talents I researched local tattoo parlors/artists as well as vegan inks (non-metal inks due to the amount of MRIs I need yearly). I scoured the internet for discussion boards and articles on people with my conditions getting inked. Once I felt reasonably well informed I then contacted the local tattoo artist I hoped would be willing to work with me to let her know about my health issues to see if she would be willing to tattoo me and started discussions with my various medical professionals about the wisdom of getting permanently inked. The tattoo artist was willing as long as I was aware of the risks and my doctors were ok with it, but after several months my doctors were split about 50/50. Some were totally gung-ho and said “go for it sister” while others took the stance of my vision therapist, who in her sage way said, “Jess, your skin can’t even handle hot water and you want to stab permanent ink into it repeatedly?!?” In case you can’t tell she was on the “no tattoo” side of the fence. My husband and parents (which includes my doctor father) also thought it was not the brightest of ideas, although some were less diplomatic than others in telling me so.
It seemed that yet again another dream was going down the drain due to my illnesses. Yet another check mark in the loss column. Diseases 1,254-Jess 0. But if there is one thing I’m trying to learn over the years as I deal with these diseases, it’s to live life open handedly. To allow my dreams to change and to make new ones. So a new thought popped into my head. Since it seemed as if this tattoo was not a good idea at the moment, or possibly ever, what if this drawing became the central focal point on my blog? What hope could this small zebra who was supposed to be only my own inspire in others? Who could I reach and encourage if I decided to share this with the world? What change or conversations could I start with this one image? As I began to think of the possibilities a new dream began to take hold. A new fire began to burn. This zebra whom I was going to call my own, I’m now going to call our own. Let’s share it with the world. Warriors unite.
What is the meaning?
This is a Zebra Warrior. The zebra is the emblem of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. In medical school students are taught that hoofbeats sound like horses thus they are horses, but our hoofbeats, although they sound like horses, are actually zebras. We are difficult patients to diagnose and often go untreated for years because we are not horses, we’re zebras. A group of zebras is called a dazzle, so together all of us zebra warriors dazzle the world! The pink and purple stripes on the zebra represent one of the triad diseases that many patients (like myself) with hEDS have, which is Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS). The zebra is holding a spoon sword because many hEDS patients also have the third of the triad diseases, Dysautonomia/Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), and we are affectionately referred to as “Spoonies.” The term “spoonies” refers to the phrase “teaspoons of energy” which is a reference to how people with POTS must allocate their energy. Those of us with POTS fight each day with our “spoons” of energy. They are our swords and we learn to wield them expertly. Teal is the color of Dysautonomia/POTS awareness. The helmet is a reference to Traumatic Brain Injuries (TBI). I have suffered multiple concussions throughout my life and have been diagnosed with Persistent Post Concussion Syndrome. I will never fully recover from my mTBIs and thus I live my life constantly aware of the impact that the symptoms have on my daily living. It is my priority to protect myself, my children and to educate and raise awareness regarding the impact that concussions can have on one’s life. Green is the color of TBI awareness. The cross on the shield represents the ultimate truth that God is our Shield and Protector. There are many things in this life I cannot control, including the genetics I was born with and the accidents that caused my mTBIs, but the surety of my knowledge that God is my Ultimate Protector provides a peace that cannot be taken away regardless of my circumstances. The phrase “Choose Joy” is a reminder that joy can be found in all circumstances but we must actively make the choice to choose the light over the dark. It is a choice I must make each and every day, often multiple times a day. The verse reference, Matthew 28:20b, “And surely I am with you, even until the end of the age” and the words “Find You Here” (an excerpt from a song by Ellie Holcomb) are reminders that Christ is with us no matter when or where we are, and that no matter how dark the night seems light always comes in the morning.
This is a Zebra Warrior.
*Art by Liz Dowd*
